Sesshy Are You Queer?
by c-dog
Summary: Kagome dreams some rather funny, yet disturbing, things about everyone's favorite taiyoukai... Parody of the song "Johnny Are You Queer" OneshotSongfic


AN: I have no idea how I thought of this... I haven't even heard this song for about 10 years... Well I'm shooting for funny here so let me know if I'm totally off or if I actually did something right for once! Enjoy!  
  
**  
  
Quote of the Day: Mom always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be when I grew up, 'within reason.' When I asked her what she meant by 'within reason,' she said, "You ask a lot of questions for a garbage man." - Jack Handey  
  
**  
  
Sesshy Are You Queer?  
  
Kagome felt her eyelids begin to droop as she sat at her desk listening to her favorite 80's CD, including songs by Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, Devo, and the GoGo's, on her laptop. As the last song ended, Kagome slowly lowered her head onto her arms and let her consciousness slip.  
  
**Dream**  
  
Quickly, she turned around and saw only fog. While attempting to find something that she could use to determine where the hell she was, Kagome suddenly realized something...  
  
"Why is the fog purple...?" she muttered to herself.  
  
As soon as she spoke the words, the mysterious fog parted and gave her a view of something she never, EVER, wanted to see.  
  
'Oh god, please tell me that Jaken and Sesshoumaru are NOT making out! EWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Kagome gagged inwardly. Meanwhile, the two 'lovers' parted and seemed to finally notice her presence 5 minutes after she had arrived. Before she could even respond to the questioning looks she was receiving, however, music seemed to start from everywhere, filling the air around the three. As though she couldn't control herself, Kagome slowly stepped up to the two, looked Sesshoumaru in the eyes and began to sing along with the song that she knew so well.  
  
"Sesshy, what's the deal, boy, is your love for real boy? When the lights are low you never hold me close. Now I saw you today, boy, walking with them gay boys. Now you hurt me so, now I gotta know... Sesshy are you queer? 'Cause when I see you hanging with Jaken, I can't help wondering where I stand..."  
  
She couldn't control her body, yet Kagome's mind was still under her power. 'Is this some kind of punishment?! What have I done to deserve this?!' It was then that her eyes finally absorbed what the two were wearing. 'Matching spandex bike shorts... how utterly predictable...' As this thought registered in her brain however, her body began to act on it's own accord yet again.  
  
"I'm so afraid I'll lose you if I can't seduce you. Is there something wrong? Sesshy come on strong.  
  
Why are you so weird, boy? Sesshy are you queer boy? When I make a play, you're pushing me away."   
  
Jaken nudged Sesshoumaru and they both looked at the intruder strangely before kissing again, this time taking it to another level.  
  
Kagome's stomach lurched as she continued to sing.  
  
"Sesshy you've forsaken a love you could be takin'. I want to give it to you, but you never come through.  
  
Oh, why are you so weird, boy? Sesshy are you queer, boy? When you asked for a date I thought that you were straight. But Sesshy are you queer?"  
  
Placing her hands on her stomach in an attempt to keep the bile from rising to her throat, Kagome stepped back cautiously, still horrified by what she had been forced to witness.  
  
'I always wondered why he wore eyeliner...'  
  
**  
  
Kagome woke with a start and quickly took in her surroundings, noticing an amber pair of eyes staring back at her from her bed.  
  
"Gah! Go away Sessho- Oh, it's you, Inuyasha!" she scrambled to force out as she kept eye contact with the hanyou.  
  
"Why did you think I was Sesshoumaru?" he demanded gruffly, annoyed that he was being compared to 'that arrogant ass' as he usually dubbed the youkai.  
  
"Don't worry about it..." she answered as she grabbed a bottle of water and splashed droplets of the cool liquid on her face in an attempt to rid herself of the disturbing visions invading her mind.  
  
Inuyasha looked at her doubtfully before he made his way to the window. "I'm going back through the well. You'd better be there tomorrow morning or I'm coming to get you," he grumbled as he opened the window and prepared to jump out.  
  
"Inuyasha?" Kagome asked meekly, staring at the retreating hanyou's back.  
  
"What?" he asked as he turned to look at the miko.  
  
"Do... do you know if Sesshoumaru has ever... you know, been with a woman?"  
  
And without even being told to sit, Inuyasha sputtered and fell out the window, too shocked to land on his feet, therefore letting his face hit the dirt below.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
**  
  
AN: HAHAHA! I loved writing this! I hope you like it as much as I do. All you hardcore Sesshoumaru fans, I don't think he's really gay in the series or anything, but come on, you have to admit that in the manga he looks like a girl! What? Stop looking at me like that! He does!  
  
*dodges toukijin as Sesshy comes after while growling*  
  
"You will pay dearly for your insolence, ningen!"  
  
"Oh shit..." *runs for the hills screaming bloody murder and pissing her pants* "It was a joke! Calm down Fluffy!"  
  
"Fluffy?! You obviously do not value your life, wench."  
  
"Oh I'm sorry, did I make you upset? I'm sure Jaken could make you feel better, if you know what I mean..." *Stops laughing at the death glare she's receiving* "When will I ever learn to keep my mouth shut..." 


End file.
